He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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