Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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