Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I lost the right to judge tonight
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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