Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We named our party play list daddy issues
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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