I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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