They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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