Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
