the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
