she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
