Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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