The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
