And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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