I just found puke in my bra..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
