So drunk its hurt
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
