VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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