You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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