her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
