she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
