once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
