Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
