Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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