just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
