if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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