yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
