it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
