I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
