I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
