i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
