And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
