You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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