Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
