tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my shit smells like andre
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
