i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
