We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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