"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
