he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
