I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
