Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
