i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
