id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We're too hungover to prance.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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