you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
