is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
