Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
