not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
