Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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