My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
