Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
