we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
