Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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