Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
