Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
