soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
