I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
