i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
