Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
